What was tested? 2007 Honda Civic Si Coupe ($21,090).
Price as tested: $21,090.
In the 1980s, someone had a brilliant idea for making a fortune in toys.
They would make plastic cars -- already some of the cheapest toys to produce -- on an absolutely tiny scale so that they cost a fraction of a penny to build from a squirt of extruded plastic and a whiff of glue. Then, with the help of fast-talking pitchman John Moschitta, they sold millions of their tiny creations for a huge profit as "Micro Machines."
You probably remember Moschitta, even if you don't know his name. He's listed in the Guiness Book of World Records as the fastest talker on the planet, a guy who sounds like he lives on a diet of Mountain Dew, coffee and pure sugar injected directly into his bloodstream. If he were reading this article out loud, it would take him around a millisecond.
And I'm driving the perfect car for this guy.
It's the Honda Civic Si, and it's totally spastic. This compact car -- a real-life Micro Machine -- drives like it's on a perpetual caffeine fix, with a suspension that twitches like bloodshot eyes and an engine that constantly pants "faster-faster-faster-faster-faster."
The recipe is simple. Honda starts with its popular and fun-to-drive economy car, the Civic, and then pumps it full of Red Bull. It has a little four-cylinder engine that makes 197 horsepower, a six-speed manual transmission that shifts like a toggle switch, and big disc brakes that stop faster than a blind date with a cocaine-addicted transvestite.
The result is a car that's absolutely thrilling to drive. Everything about the Civic Si is designed to make your cardiologist wealthy, from the visceral scream of its 8,000-RPM, high-output engine to its raw suspension that holds it to the road like Super Glue. It's enough to wear out your aortic valve after a couple of times around the block. Lucky for the cardiologist, the Civic Si's price tag won't leave you bankrupt. The two-door coupe starts around $21,000, which isn't bad for something that feels like an exotic, race-bred sports car.
If you need a little more practicality, Honda sells a four-door version of the Civic Si for around the same price. It's essentially the same as the coupe, with the same engine, transmission and brakes, and only a slightly revised suspension to compensate for the longer wheelbase.
There aren't any major downsides to this car, assuming you don't mind driving a very noisy sardine can.
Sure, it can be annoying to own a car that's admired by 16-year-olds who think giant stickers and military-spec rear wings make cars go faster, but that's also part of the fun. Every time you get behind the wheel it feels like you're in one of those trendy teen flicks that's filled with tire smoke, techno music and pretty girls with weird haircuts.
Come to think of it -- I bet John Moschitta likes those movies, too.
Pros: It's a wicked-fast car that's relatively affordable.
Cons: Other drivers will think you're 16 and stupid when they hear the farting-bumblebee exhaust note.
RATINGS (1-10)
Style: 7
Performance: 10
Price: 9
Handling: 10
Ride: 4
Comfort: 2
Quality: 7
Overall: 9
