There's nothing quite like the feelings you experience when you're pulled over for a traffic violation.

Your heart starts beating faster, and you can feel the heat of embarrassment rushing to your face.

The flashing lights on the police vehicle behind you draw the attention of every driver passing by, and you are convinced everyone is staring at you as if you were a freshly apprehended member of the Most Wanted list.

You slump down in the driver's seat, mortified at the thought that someone you know might choose this exact unfortunate moment to drive by.

As the officer strolls up to your window, you have a decision to make. What should you say? Should you beg, cry, lie, remain silent, stand up for your rights, or throw out a witty sound bite?

Here's a lighter look at the "do's and don'ts" of what to say to an officer if you are pulled over.

Do let the officer speak first, and be sure to answer any questions with brief, noncommittal answers. Assaulting the officer with a defensive comment like, "What's the problem?" will likely earn you a speedy reply in a similar tone: "You."

It's never a great idea to falsely claim that you are a law enforcement officer. The blank stare on your face when the officer asks you if you realize that you were in violation of vehicle code 22351(b) is certain to be a dead giveaway.

While humor is sometimes appreciated as an ice-breaker in tense situations, attempts at far-flung jocularity such as, "Officer, I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer," or "Aren't you the guy from the Village People?" are best avoided.

Many people make the mistake of asking, "Was I speeding?" This statement in itself is an acknowledgment that you are aware you were probably going too fast. Comments like, "Sorry, officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in," aren't too helpful if you are caught with your pedal to the metal, either.

You shouldn't reach for your pockets or under your seat without first letting the officer know the reason for your actions. And if you are asked to consent to a search of your vehicle, you have the right to ask about the probable cause. You will, however, want to avoid giving the officer probable cause by asking, "You aren't gonna check the trunk, are you?"

If you believe you were in the right and the officer was in the wrong, the place to state your case is in court. Throwing out little verbal hostilities to the officer like, "I want your badge number" or "Let me see the radar gun" or "I'll see you in court, buddy" are only going to make the officer remember you much more vividly, and significantly less fondly.

Finally, if your charm and good manners seem to be working wonders and the officer says he thinks he might just give you a warning this time, it might be best to refrain from the enthusiastic retort of, "Gee, officer, that's terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning, too!"

Michelle Groh-Gordy is the owner of InterActive! Traffic School Online at www.trafficinteractive.com , and writes a syndicated weekly column on driving for the publications of the Los Angeles Newspaper Group.