Some people collect stamps. Others collect McDonald's Happy Meal toys. Since I started writing this column two years ago this week, I began collecting amusing bumper-sticker messages. As my anniversary present to you, today's the day I have chosen to share my found treasures.

There are those bumper stickers that are just plain funny:

• I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM.
• That's not a haircut; it's a cry for help.
• I fish, therefore I lie.
• Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Then there are those that are funny, yet slightly unbalanced:

• So many cats - so few recipes.
• Alcohol and calculus don't mix. DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE!

Others choose to proudly display their sanity (or lack thereof) on their bumper:

• On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
• Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
• Some days it's just not worth gnawing through the leather straps.

Some choose to use their bumpers to make political statements:

• I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun.
• I souport publik edekashun.
• Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
• If you can read this, you're not the president.

Some people use bumper stickers as an opportunity to offer helpful driving tips:

• If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
• If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
• Forget about world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
• Keep honking I'm reloading.

And then there are those who choose to poke fun at gender on their fender:

• (Seen on a passing motorcycle): If you can read this, my wife fell off!
• I'm out of estrogen - and I have a gun.
• Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.
• Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

It is interesting to note that better than two-thirds of the bumper stickers were seen when I was traveling outside of California, most notably in Colorado, Nevada, Utah, Arizona and Texas. I guess in California we tend to put the overall aesthetic of our vehicles over the benign venting of dark and/or quirky thoughts on our bumpers.

Michelle Groh-Gordy is the owner of InterActive! Traffic School Online at www.trafficinteractive.com , and writes a syndicated weekly column on driving for the publications of the Los Angeles Newspaper Group.