If your significant other is a Gemini, you might want to hide the car keys. On the other hand, if a Capricorn is your child's designated carpool driver this week, you can rest assured your offspring are in the safest possible hands.
Suncorp Metway Ltd. reviewed 160,000 accident claims filed over a three-year period and came back with a list of the safest and least safe drivers according to their astrological sign.
Car insurance companies might now be able to throw away the complicated algorithms they currently use to calculate car insurance rates, which are based on such irritating minutiae as driving records, gender, age, vehicle type and marital status.
Under an astrological car insurance algorithm, insurance companies could simply look to each driver's astrological sign and blame the premium rates on the Suncorp Metway report and on the negative (or positive) traits each astrological sign purportedly exhibits.
Geminis would pay through the teeth. According to the report, easily bored and often distracted Geminis (May 21-June 21) filed more accident claims than any other sign during the course of the study.
Taureans (April 20-May 20) were second on the list of the most accident-prone zodiac signs. Apparently, the Taurean traits of stubbornness and obstinacy don't lend one to practice the best defensive driving techniques when behind the wheel.
The risk-taker/daydreamer persona of many Pisceans (Feb. 19-March 20) gives them the dubious honor of filing the third-greatest number of accident claims.
Virgos' (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) tendency toward perfectionism and harsh criticism of others, and Cancers' (June 22-July 22) moodiness and hypersensitivity might account for a lack of patience on the road, which may have resulted in a fender-bender or two. Virgos and Cancers were involved, respectively, in the fourth- and fifth-greatest number of reported collisions.
Holding the middle ground with the sixth-, seventh-, eighth- and ninth-most accident claims filed, according to the report, were the sometimes erratic Aquarians (Jan. 20-Feb. 18), often impulsive and impatient Aries (March 21-April 19), occasionally rigid and intolerant Leos (July 23-Aug. 22) and the potentially indecisive Libras (Sept. 23-Oct. 23).
If the negative traits of a zodiac sign can be used to explain higher collision rates, surely it must be the positive traits of the astrological signs that reported the fewest collisions, which would account for their stellar driving performance.
The concept of "sharing the road" with other drivers must not be lost on Sagittarians (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). The oft ethical and unusually generous Sagittarians filed the third-fewest number of collision claims.
The focused, analytical nature of many Scorpios (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) might account for the exemplary driving habits that caused them to file the second-lowest number of accident claims.
However, it was the patience and cautiousness of Capricorns (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) that apparently translated into their being the safest drivers on the road, according to the Suncorp Metway Ltd. study.
Personally, I felt the whole accident rate by astrological sign study was pretty far out in logical left field until I read which sign was considered to be the safest driver.
No need to send gifts when my birthday comes along Jan. 10. A card will be just fine.
Michelle Groh-Gordy is the owner of InterActive! Traffic School Online at www.trafficinteractive.com , and writes a syndicated weekly column on driving for the publications of the Los Angeles Newspaper Group.
